Runs done: can't remember. Calories consumed: can't remember. Alcohol drunk: not sure.
They do say alcohol makes you lose your memory but I really can't believe that.
My lovely friend Dazzer passed away on 21st September so I've been feeling a bit miz.
I decided a while ago to train for a sub 2 hour half marathon (Reading 2010). I don't think I was drunk at the time. It was fine until I realised that I will have to get a minute and a half off each mile. I was ok after I'd had a couple of glasses of wine to help me get over the panic.
Started track sessions in September and joined the next (faster) group at club. I have been trying not to whimper too much.
Back later - off to club soon. Must remember to get bottle of wine for carbohydrate replenishment later.
Thursday, 5 November 2009
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Blazing Muddles
2nd August
Runs done 0 (V bad); food eaten: lots (all food v g. but not in such large quantities); alcohol drunk: surprisingly little (must try harder).
Training slightly limited by visit last week to relatives and friends in the North. Though it's a long time since I lived there, memories and old habits return quickly whenever I go back. Still, a diet consisting solely of fish, chips and chip butties will be good for carbohydrates of which we highly-trained athletes need plenty.
Decided today was the day for going for a run so set off round the park enjoying the sunshine. Waited at the bottom of some very tricky steps up a hill (locally known as the Bastid Steps) and turned to see a runner heading towards me. He ran past me, breathing easily and probably singing to himself as he went. Looked that sort of chap. I'd been there for about ten minutes by then so thought I'd give the steps a try as I had something to follow. Not sure if he'd win a prize in the Girls-at-the-Back-of-the-Pack's Nice Arse competition (Memo to self: must remember to make optician's appointment) but I could make out his blurred form for long enough to give me something to chase. Glory be! Sound the trumpets! I got up the steps. For the first time ever!
(Training note: must remember to include NA candidates in visualisation of tough running sessions).
3rd August
Trim Kim keeps posting reminders abot the Blaise Blazer on Facebook. She knows it is just the sort of thing I don't like (off-road, undulating, muddy in places) but she has told me that several other Bootcamp survivors "might" be doing it. I suspect that she has said this to all of them as well.
More posts from Trim Kim.
I admit defeat and the race is only two minutes walk away from home. Go to the park to enter the race and see Bootcampees Wendy and Sarah. They fell for Trim Kim's trick as well.
There are just over 100 runners. This is v. bad as it will mean that I am statistiacally unlikely to have anyone mear me at the finish. I set off with Wendy and Sarah and we have a pleasant hundred yards or so while they run and I try to hear what they are saying over the sound of my own gasping. They go on ahead with my blessing: multi-tasking in the form of running, breathing and listening is too much fo me. I am Not Last.
Yet.
For the next few miles another (much younger) woman and I take turns at filling this position, one of the most popular ones in the race. The marshalls love the last person as they know they can go home when they see him/her/me and the Sweeper. Sweeper this time is someone I know quite well so Amy (my opponent and I are now on first name terms) and I can chat with her as we run round the course.
Amy passes me as we come out of the woods and onto the field. No problem. I will catch her as I like running on grass and it's a bit downhill. I become light-headed and have to walk. I lose sight of Amy. Linda the Sweeper and I run on, down the path up some more steps (aka Son of Bastid Steps) and then round a bend to be faced with Daddy of Bastid Steps to the flat field on the top. I am certainly being well cheered by the select and supportive few who are still there to see me finish.
Not my best race ever but I was first FV60 and it was a course pb by 11 seconds.
Will have to do it again next year.
http://www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthdaycelebration/
Runs done 0 (V bad); food eaten: lots (all food v g. but not in such large quantities); alcohol drunk: surprisingly little (must try harder).
Training slightly limited by visit last week to relatives and friends in the North. Though it's a long time since I lived there, memories and old habits return quickly whenever I go back. Still, a diet consisting solely of fish, chips and chip butties will be good for carbohydrates of which we highly-trained athletes need plenty.
Decided today was the day for going for a run so set off round the park enjoying the sunshine. Waited at the bottom of some very tricky steps up a hill (locally known as the Bastid Steps) and turned to see a runner heading towards me. He ran past me, breathing easily and probably singing to himself as he went. Looked that sort of chap. I'd been there for about ten minutes by then so thought I'd give the steps a try as I had something to follow. Not sure if he'd win a prize in the Girls-at-the-Back-of-the-Pack's Nice Arse competition (Memo to self: must remember to make optician's appointment) but I could make out his blurred form for long enough to give me something to chase. Glory be! Sound the trumpets! I got up the steps. For the first time ever!
(Training note: must remember to include NA candidates in visualisation of tough running sessions).
3rd August
Trim Kim keeps posting reminders abot the Blaise Blazer on Facebook. She knows it is just the sort of thing I don't like (off-road, undulating, muddy in places) but she has told me that several other Bootcamp survivors "might" be doing it. I suspect that she has said this to all of them as well.
More posts from Trim Kim.
I admit defeat and the race is only two minutes walk away from home. Go to the park to enter the race and see Bootcampees Wendy and Sarah. They fell for Trim Kim's trick as well.
There are just over 100 runners. This is v. bad as it will mean that I am statistiacally unlikely to have anyone mear me at the finish. I set off with Wendy and Sarah and we have a pleasant hundred yards or so while they run and I try to hear what they are saying over the sound of my own gasping. They go on ahead with my blessing: multi-tasking in the form of running, breathing and listening is too much fo me. I am Not Last.
Yet.
For the next few miles another (much younger) woman and I take turns at filling this position, one of the most popular ones in the race. The marshalls love the last person as they know they can go home when they see him/her/me and the Sweeper. Sweeper this time is someone I know quite well so Amy (my opponent and I are now on first name terms) and I can chat with her as we run round the course.
Amy passes me as we come out of the woods and onto the field. No problem. I will catch her as I like running on grass and it's a bit downhill. I become light-headed and have to walk. I lose sight of Amy. Linda the Sweeper and I run on, down the path up some more steps (aka Son of Bastid Steps) and then round a bend to be faced with Daddy of Bastid Steps to the flat field on the top. I am certainly being well cheered by the select and supportive few who are still there to see me finish.
Not my best race ever but I was first FV60 and it was a course pb by 11 seconds.
Will have to do it again next year.
http://www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthdaycelebration/
Saturday, 25 July 2009
Drills, hills and collapsing buttocks
Tuesday 21st July
5.45am. Strange ringing noise in ears.
5.46am. Still there
5.47am. Oh bloody hell, it's the alarm. Bootcamp. Make and drink tea.
6.30am. Meet rest of bootcamp conscripts. Everybody else looks cheerful despite dreary rain. Trim Kim particularly chirpy as she tells us we are going to jog to warm up. Ok, I can do that. Then we do drills. Oh bloody hell. It is early morning, it's raining and she wants me to run backwards! I'm having enough trouble running forwards.
And doing silly walks! Not only that but we're all doing them right next to a f***ing bus stop where a bus is waiting for an unreasonably long time. Daren't look to see if there are any passengers (if so, probably all laughing hysterically by now). Over quickly, thank goodness, and off to find a hill. It doesn't take us long to totter to the bottom. Then we split into two groups. Am in second but hopes of getting a rest disappear as we have to do squats and lunges while the others run up. Then our turn - 20 seconds up. I am very pleased. All that visualisation is paying off. Tour de France time as well so I am a running version of Contador dancing lightly up the hill, passing the others. Easy.
Jog back, squats.
Reps 2 and 3 might be a bit slower but good enough. Lance Arnsrong should be worried.
Rep 4. Bloody hills. Why has the f***ing hill got steeper?
Rep 5. And how can it get steeper again? Legs still trembling from squats before I even start.
Rep 6. "And keep on going until you get to the top" says Trim Kim. "Then jog back to where we started."
Still not awake. Maybe for the best.
Wednesday 22nd July
Unable to bend legs to get shoes from bottom shelves. Difficult also to check fit of shoes on people's feet. Don't think muffled cries of agony are a good advertisement for running.
Thursday 23rd July
6 f***ing 30 again. This time the sun is shining.
Bloody jog. Bloody drills - high knees, sprinting on the spot.
Pyramids - sprint, jog back, sprint a bit further, jog back, sprint a bit further, jog back, sprint not quite as far, jog, sprint not quite as far.
Instead of squats and lunges Trim Kim makes us do plank and press-ups. First one fine, then arms start to tremble.
Grass very interesting. Also very interesting to have blades of it stuck up nose every time I lower myself.
Decide that grass up nose could be good for sinus problems so stay down on ground as also impossible now to raise body.
More pyramids, more press-ups, more bloody pyraminds and more bloody press-ups. Have done more press-ups by now than in all my previous life. Arms trembling uncontrollably. Must be at least one four-leaved clover in the patch an inch from my nose. No such luck. Something else which I think may be plantain and a few daisies and dandelions. look on this as an opportunity to develop positive thoughts and am grateful that I am 2 inches from grass at 7am.
Trim Kim reminds us not to let our buttocks collapse. I have news for you, TK - you're too late. Mine collapsed a long time ago.
Friday 24th July
Sudden semi-paralysis of arms. Cannot left them above shoulder height. Have to make tea by getting small chair so can stand on it (difficult as still cannot bend knees so tricky stepping up) and swivel sideways to get tea bags from shelf in cupboard. Difficult to get down from chair as cannot jump.
In work, unable to get shoes from top shelves.
Saturday 25th July
Lie-in. 8.30am start today.
Make tea. Fortunately have now fully recovered from Thursday's beasting so is easy. Arms now strong and toned.
Collect Speedo Sue to take her to "Bring a friend" session at bootcamp.
Jog. Circuits (in lines) - high knees, etc. Am wiping other things from my memory as too painful to contemplate.
Boxing. Am not aggressive enough so doing rather balletic punches in the air. Must try harder. Think of someone I don't like................... Not easy. Hah! Our one and only awkward customer...... That's better. Beat AC to a pulp. Very satisfying.
Continue process.
Several times. AC would now fit into 1 litre carton.
More press-ups. Arms trembling after two seconds. Maybe vibrations will prevent development of bingo wings.
Grass, clover, stray leaf, small twig.
Cycling on back. Lovely - a chance to lie down.
Unable to lift legs for more than ten seconds. Contador, Arnstrong, Wiggins, Cavendish and Millar need not worry.
Jog back. Speedo Sue still talking to me, I think.
Still, plenty of calories burned. Good as meeting frineds fo tea and cakes this afternoon.
www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthdaycelebration
5.45am. Strange ringing noise in ears.
5.46am. Still there
5.47am. Oh bloody hell, it's the alarm. Bootcamp. Make and drink tea.
6.30am. Meet rest of bootcamp conscripts. Everybody else looks cheerful despite dreary rain. Trim Kim particularly chirpy as she tells us we are going to jog to warm up. Ok, I can do that. Then we do drills. Oh bloody hell. It is early morning, it's raining and she wants me to run backwards! I'm having enough trouble running forwards.
And doing silly walks! Not only that but we're all doing them right next to a f***ing bus stop where a bus is waiting for an unreasonably long time. Daren't look to see if there are any passengers (if so, probably all laughing hysterically by now). Over quickly, thank goodness, and off to find a hill. It doesn't take us long to totter to the bottom. Then we split into two groups. Am in second but hopes of getting a rest disappear as we have to do squats and lunges while the others run up. Then our turn - 20 seconds up. I am very pleased. All that visualisation is paying off. Tour de France time as well so I am a running version of Contador dancing lightly up the hill, passing the others. Easy.
Jog back, squats.
Reps 2 and 3 might be a bit slower but good enough. Lance Arnsrong should be worried.
Rep 4. Bloody hills. Why has the f***ing hill got steeper?
Rep 5. And how can it get steeper again? Legs still trembling from squats before I even start.
Rep 6. "And keep on going until you get to the top" says Trim Kim. "Then jog back to where we started."
Still not awake. Maybe for the best.
Wednesday 22nd July
Unable to bend legs to get shoes from bottom shelves. Difficult also to check fit of shoes on people's feet. Don't think muffled cries of agony are a good advertisement for running.
Thursday 23rd July
6 f***ing 30 again. This time the sun is shining.
Bloody jog. Bloody drills - high knees, sprinting on the spot.
Pyramids - sprint, jog back, sprint a bit further, jog back, sprint a bit further, jog back, sprint not quite as far, jog, sprint not quite as far.
Instead of squats and lunges Trim Kim makes us do plank and press-ups. First one fine, then arms start to tremble.
Grass very interesting. Also very interesting to have blades of it stuck up nose every time I lower myself.
Decide that grass up nose could be good for sinus problems so stay down on ground as also impossible now to raise body.
More pyramids, more press-ups, more bloody pyraminds and more bloody press-ups. Have done more press-ups by now than in all my previous life. Arms trembling uncontrollably. Must be at least one four-leaved clover in the patch an inch from my nose. No such luck. Something else which I think may be plantain and a few daisies and dandelions. look on this as an opportunity to develop positive thoughts and am grateful that I am 2 inches from grass at 7am.
Trim Kim reminds us not to let our buttocks collapse. I have news for you, TK - you're too late. Mine collapsed a long time ago.
Friday 24th July
Sudden semi-paralysis of arms. Cannot left them above shoulder height. Have to make tea by getting small chair so can stand on it (difficult as still cannot bend knees so tricky stepping up) and swivel sideways to get tea bags from shelf in cupboard. Difficult to get down from chair as cannot jump.
In work, unable to get shoes from top shelves.
Saturday 25th July
Lie-in. 8.30am start today.
Make tea. Fortunately have now fully recovered from Thursday's beasting so is easy. Arms now strong and toned.
Collect Speedo Sue to take her to "Bring a friend" session at bootcamp.
Jog. Circuits (in lines) - high knees, etc. Am wiping other things from my memory as too painful to contemplate.
Boxing. Am not aggressive enough so doing rather balletic punches in the air. Must try harder. Think of someone I don't like................... Not easy. Hah! Our one and only awkward customer...... That's better. Beat AC to a pulp. Very satisfying.
Continue process.
Several times. AC would now fit into 1 litre carton.
More press-ups. Arms trembling after two seconds. Maybe vibrations will prevent development of bingo wings.
Grass, clover, stray leaf, small twig.
Cycling on back. Lovely - a chance to lie down.
Unable to lift legs for more than ten seconds. Contador, Arnstrong, Wiggins, Cavendish and Millar need not worry.
Jog back. Speedo Sue still talking to me, I think.
Still, plenty of calories burned. Good as meeting frineds fo tea and cakes this afternoon.
www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthdaycelebration
More Beasts
Have signed up for Trim Kim's Early Morning Bootcamp Beasting. As I am now a highly-trained athlete who can run in all weathers a 6.30am start will be no obstacle.
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
It never rains
14th July
Runs done since savaged by the Beast of Cornwall: 2, calories consumed: millions (am in post-race recovery so I need to replenish my stores of glycogen), calories burned: thousands.
Weather decidely mixed. Stressed, so thought a run in the rain might clear my head. Rain torrential. Found suitable kit and set off. Rain stopped. Came home.
15th July
Ditto.
19th July
Have given up rying to get rained on. Three miles in glorious sunshine then stopped to decide which of three routes to take. Saw runner coming towards me and as he paseed told him I was wondering which way to take and that each way had a hill. He replied "Do it. It's never easy." and disappeared along a rough grassy path doing about 6 minute mile pace and wearing a Great Britain gilet. Well, if it's good enough for him..... Did an extra hill on the way back home.
As I got to the end of the run it started to rain, then pour. Another mile added, just running along the road for the sake of getting wet.
Runs done since savaged by the Beast of Cornwall: 2, calories consumed: millions (am in post-race recovery so I need to replenish my stores of glycogen), calories burned: thousands.
Weather decidely mixed. Stressed, so thought a run in the rain might clear my head. Rain torrential. Found suitable kit and set off. Rain stopped. Came home.
15th July
Ditto.
19th July
Have given up rying to get rained on. Three miles in glorious sunshine then stopped to decide which of three routes to take. Saw runner coming towards me and as he paseed told him I was wondering which way to take and that each way had a hill. He replied "Do it. It's never easy." and disappeared along a rough grassy path doing about 6 minute mile pace and wearing a Great Britain gilet. Well, if it's good enough for him..... Did an extra hill on the way back home.
As I got to the end of the run it started to rain, then pour. Another mile added, just running along the road for the sake of getting wet.
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
The Beast of Cornwall
6th February, 2009
8st 4lb. Runs done: 1 (v.g.), calories burned 1625, calories consumed 3700.
Am lacking in motivation. Will start visualisation techniques and picture myself as a highly-trained athlete. Dazzer, the new man at work, keeps going on about the Launceston Half Marathon and telling me how good it is, how wonderful the views are, etc. Ignoring him as he says it’s hilly.
12th May8st 6lbs. Runs done: 0 (V. bad), runs visualised 153 (excellent!); calories consumed: 6257, calories burned: 320, alcohol drunk; 6 glasses red wine (found a bottle when tidying kitchen)
Next week I will be running a half marathon, a hill run, a multi-terrain, a beach run and a marathon (56 miles total) in Scotland. Had better go out for a training run. No – the schedules say I should be tapering. Must do what schedules say as I am now a highly-trained athlete. Will consult book about how to taper properly. Will tidy up chocolate found at back of cupboard while I read.
18th - 23rd May
8st 13lbs. Runs run: 5 (v. gd),total mileage 56; full Scottish breakfasts 6; pieces of cake (chocolate, coffee, lemon, cream teas, etc) 10; calories consumed 5,796,578; calories burned 1,579, 452.
I am running well on lower mileage training. I think I will continue this programme when I get back home.
3rd June
9st 5lbs. Runs done 0 (v bad); calories consumed 9352 (v bad), calories burned 31(v bad), race wins visualised 37 (excellent!)
Dazzer keeps reminding me about the Launceston Half. Has told me what the course is like (climbs at miles 3, 5, 6, 12 and 13 but flat, downhill or undulating for the rest, which must be more than half of it). Can’t be too bad, despite being called “The Real Beast of Cornwall.” Posted entry form. Visualise myself flying effortlessly up hills, flowing down them as a river falls to the sea, the wind in my hair, the sun shining warmly, every muscle and sinew honed and toned to perfection, every ounce of energy resulting in the course record being broken for the first time by an FV60. Wonderful! I am getting much better at this. Will recover with a small glass of red wine (good for cholesterol level) and a small piece of chocolate cake.
4th June
9st 8lbs (not good). Alcohol drunk 1 bottle; chocolate cakes eaten 1; improvement in tidiness of kitchen excellent; aspirins taken: several (found at back of medicine cupboard - may have lost strength as Use By date was obliterated)
Have headache and feel slightly queasy. Obviously not well. Should not train while unwell so will take day off running.
17th June
9st 7lbs. (v gd) Runs done in last three weeks 3; calories consumed 2,227,506; calories burned 2,227,505 (excellent! Dancing at my birthday party and Dazzer’s wedding burned off loads)
Dancing as cross-training seems good. Muscles not too tired. Will continue with this programme. Jude has said she might do LH with me. Not sure she really means that. Think she might just mean she wants a lift.
4th July
9st 12lbs. Runs done 1 (v bad); runs visualised 97 (excellent! There is no doubt that I will win the race by a large time margin)
Perhaps should have tried a bit harder with the weight. Never mind, will not eat today so will be down to race weight of 8st 2lbs ready for the start. Must pack. Will not need much as will wear running kit. Will have early night so can have plenty of sleep as am now a highly-trained athlete, a coiled spring, a gazelle, a cheetah who will run effortlessly along the gently undulating roads of Cornwall, chasing down my prey, picking off my quarry one by one until there are none left and I will be the true victor of the race. Pack bag – sandals (in case toes sore), new running shoes (to show off), trousers, towel, T-shirt, money, cards, wash-bag, hair gel, make-up (for photos and article in national press after winning race), sunscreen (can’t be too careful – course is exposed and it might be sunny), gloves (best be on the safe side – course is exposed and could get chilly), jacket (ditto), woolly hat (ditto), banana. Prepare bottle for Rego for after the race. It’s important so will mix it in the morning. Shower. Will not need to dry hair as will have plenty of time to style it properly in the morning. Set alarm for 4.30.
5th July
4.30am. Bloody alarm clock.
4.50am. Bloody Dazzer.
4.59am. Bloody Jude. Will have to get up or she won’t have a lift. At least I am up before 5. Must remember Rego.
Breakfast, etc. I seem to have a wild overgrown Mohican hairstyle. Gel hair with L’Oreal Extra-firm Super Strong Hold. Think of Colin Firth as Mr Darcy. Hair now well-gelled into aforementioned style but sure it will settle down later.
5.10am Stop thinking about Mr Darcy emerging from the lake.
5.59.30am Bloody Jude is here. It is very inconsiderate of her to be early when we arranged to set off at 6. She mentions flapjack and Thorntons mini-shortbreads so feel slightly more forgiving. Pile bags into car and set off.
6.10am. Have forgotten Rego. Months of careful training now wasted and hopes for being first FV60 to break course record have flown out of the window.
8.00am. Past Exeter. Decide we have enough time to get to Launceston by 10 so call into services for a leisurely coffee.
8.30am. Arrive Launceston and park. Walk to start at leisure centre. Bag is rather heavy. Never mind, Leisure centre can’t be far away.
9.15am. Arrive leisure centre. Perhaps I didn’t need two pairs of shoes and the large tube of hair gel. Collect numbers. Jude offers to let me store flapjack and Thorntons mini shortbreads in my bag as she has only brought a small backpack. Very badly-organised of her, I think.
9.45am. See Frank John from running club, discuss transport, accommodation, swimming, etc. Dazzer not here as he isn’t feeling very well. Will send him good wishes on my way round the course. Various trips to various loos. Bags onto lorry. Can just about lift mine high enough.
10.30am. Race starts. The training is paying off already. For the first mile I cruise steadily past runners as we head through Launceston then the road narrows and goes uphill. There is traffic and a car has to follow a woman walking up the hill. A man is following the car and I can’t get past. Still, I will use it as a recovery and fly past them all later.
Dazzer told me the next six miles are “gently undulating” or “steady climb.” I am an athlete so can cope easily with these obstacles, if indeed they are such. I will take them, literally, in my stride, which I must remember is as effortless as the leaping mountain goats bounding along precipitous slopes. Must also remember to admire the views so at the top of one of the undulations I look ahead to see glorious rolling hills and lush fields. If I was taller I might be able to see the sea.
11.46am Why is it that however far you climb in a race you never seem to have a downhill to compensate? Bloody hills, bloody hedges, bloody fields, bloody, bloody running. Up another hill (another fantastic view), past yet another cheerful encouraging marshal, up another f***ing hill to another wonderful view. Have been told that adrenaline makes you aggressive if not all used up by running. Sure that isn’t true in my case. Starting to think that perhaps I might not break the course record.
12.13pm Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! At last a downhill stretch. I can hear footsteps behind me and getting closer. Mental note to self: this runner needs new shoes as sounds very flat-footed. He passes me. He is carrying a backpack, wearing chinos, a white polo shirt and wearing flip-flops. Flip-flops, FFS! I have been overtaken by a man carrying a backpack and wearing f***ing flip-flops. To crown it all he does not appear to be overpronating at all though have to admit that he gets away too fast for me to do an accurate gait analysis. Hah! I see my chance. He can’t run uphill in flip-flops. Will try to catch him. Pass him easily. Hah! Serves him right.
12.29pm Flip-flop Man passes me again. I will wait like a panther and pounce when the moment is right. We are entering the town. The road starts to climb. I pass Flip-flop Man. He will not pass me again.
12.33pm F***. Flip-flop Man will not pass me again because the bloody road climbs and he will gently slither out of his flipping flops. It climbs through the outskirts of Launceston. It turns a corner. F***.
12.35pm Another bloody climb. F***, f***, f***ity f***. Is Launceston actually higher than Everest? How can the road only ever go up?
12.51pm Joy! At last some downhill.
12.52pm F***, f*** and double f***. More uphill.
1.00pm Onto the little path that climbs (well, what else would you expect) through the park. Go round the bend (literally?) and then Oh joy! Oh bliss! Oh wonder of wonders! I run down (down! down!) the slope towards the finish. More charging rhinoceros than graceful gazelle. Finish has disappeared. Bu**er. Lots of people cheering. I can see and hear Jude and John. Then - glory be! It’s a miracle! The finish is at the bottom of a hill!
1.02.25pm Cross finish line, cheered by Dazzer’s parents. Curse their son for telling me about a course so hilly but have to admit that the views were worth the climbing. Collect medal (excellent), bunch of flowers (v.g), T-shirt (v. big), water (v. welcome), etc. Decline gels and voucher from well-known running store. Meet Jude and John, collect bag. Eat 1 Thorntons mini shortbread (v.g.). Have shown that I am a consistent athlete as my time of 2:32 is the same as four of the last five hilly half marathons I’ve done.
2.30pm Go to say goodbye to Caz and Big Daz. Tell them it’s a fab race and it’s in diary for next year already. They give me a bottle of wine (v.g.). No room in bag so totter off uphill (then down) with bag, flowers and wine. Jude suggests I look like an alcoholic bag lady who’s been stealing flowers.
3.00pm Leave Launceston.
3.15pm Leave Launceston. Congdons Shop was interesting, if only for its apparent lack of shop and, possibly, Congdon. We decided not to go to Liskeard as it was 16 miles way and Launceston was only 13. Jude and I not unduly worried as we have just run 13.1 miles (each) and have low blood sugar (why did I forget the Rego?) so find it all highly amusing though are a bit concerned that the area might be Cornwall’s version of the Bermuda Triangle.
4.00pm Leave Launceston. By a process of elimination find the right road.
7.00pm Home. Eat, drink half bottle of wine, sleep. New training schedule starts tomorrow.
www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthdaycelebration
8st 4lb. Runs done: 1 (v.g.), calories burned 1625, calories consumed 3700.
Am lacking in motivation. Will start visualisation techniques and picture myself as a highly-trained athlete. Dazzer, the new man at work, keeps going on about the Launceston Half Marathon and telling me how good it is, how wonderful the views are, etc. Ignoring him as he says it’s hilly.
12th May8st 6lbs. Runs done: 0 (V. bad), runs visualised 153 (excellent!); calories consumed: 6257, calories burned: 320, alcohol drunk; 6 glasses red wine (found a bottle when tidying kitchen)
Next week I will be running a half marathon, a hill run, a multi-terrain, a beach run and a marathon (56 miles total) in Scotland. Had better go out for a training run. No – the schedules say I should be tapering. Must do what schedules say as I am now a highly-trained athlete. Will consult book about how to taper properly. Will tidy up chocolate found at back of cupboard while I read.
18th - 23rd May
8st 13lbs. Runs run: 5 (v. gd),total mileage 56; full Scottish breakfasts 6; pieces of cake (chocolate, coffee, lemon, cream teas, etc) 10; calories consumed 5,796,578; calories burned 1,579, 452.
I am running well on lower mileage training. I think I will continue this programme when I get back home.
3rd June
9st 5lbs. Runs done 0 (v bad); calories consumed 9352 (v bad), calories burned 31(v bad), race wins visualised 37 (excellent!)
Dazzer keeps reminding me about the Launceston Half. Has told me what the course is like (climbs at miles 3, 5, 6, 12 and 13 but flat, downhill or undulating for the rest, which must be more than half of it). Can’t be too bad, despite being called “The Real Beast of Cornwall.” Posted entry form. Visualise myself flying effortlessly up hills, flowing down them as a river falls to the sea, the wind in my hair, the sun shining warmly, every muscle and sinew honed and toned to perfection, every ounce of energy resulting in the course record being broken for the first time by an FV60. Wonderful! I am getting much better at this. Will recover with a small glass of red wine (good for cholesterol level) and a small piece of chocolate cake.
4th June
9st 8lbs (not good). Alcohol drunk 1 bottle; chocolate cakes eaten 1; improvement in tidiness of kitchen excellent; aspirins taken: several (found at back of medicine cupboard - may have lost strength as Use By date was obliterated)
Have headache and feel slightly queasy. Obviously not well. Should not train while unwell so will take day off running.
17th June
9st 7lbs. (v gd) Runs done in last three weeks 3; calories consumed 2,227,506; calories burned 2,227,505 (excellent! Dancing at my birthday party and Dazzer’s wedding burned off loads)
Dancing as cross-training seems good. Muscles not too tired. Will continue with this programme. Jude has said she might do LH with me. Not sure she really means that. Think she might just mean she wants a lift.
4th July
9st 12lbs. Runs done 1 (v bad); runs visualised 97 (excellent! There is no doubt that I will win the race by a large time margin)
Perhaps should have tried a bit harder with the weight. Never mind, will not eat today so will be down to race weight of 8st 2lbs ready for the start. Must pack. Will not need much as will wear running kit. Will have early night so can have plenty of sleep as am now a highly-trained athlete, a coiled spring, a gazelle, a cheetah who will run effortlessly along the gently undulating roads of Cornwall, chasing down my prey, picking off my quarry one by one until there are none left and I will be the true victor of the race. Pack bag – sandals (in case toes sore), new running shoes (to show off), trousers, towel, T-shirt, money, cards, wash-bag, hair gel, make-up (for photos and article in national press after winning race), sunscreen (can’t be too careful – course is exposed and it might be sunny), gloves (best be on the safe side – course is exposed and could get chilly), jacket (ditto), woolly hat (ditto), banana. Prepare bottle for Rego for after the race. It’s important so will mix it in the morning. Shower. Will not need to dry hair as will have plenty of time to style it properly in the morning. Set alarm for 4.30.
5th July
4.30am. Bloody alarm clock.
4.50am. Bloody Dazzer.
4.59am. Bloody Jude. Will have to get up or she won’t have a lift. At least I am up before 5. Must remember Rego.
Breakfast, etc. I seem to have a wild overgrown Mohican hairstyle. Gel hair with L’Oreal Extra-firm Super Strong Hold. Think of Colin Firth as Mr Darcy. Hair now well-gelled into aforementioned style but sure it will settle down later.
5.10am Stop thinking about Mr Darcy emerging from the lake.
5.59.30am Bloody Jude is here. It is very inconsiderate of her to be early when we arranged to set off at 6. She mentions flapjack and Thorntons mini-shortbreads so feel slightly more forgiving. Pile bags into car and set off.
6.10am. Have forgotten Rego. Months of careful training now wasted and hopes for being first FV60 to break course record have flown out of the window.
8.00am. Past Exeter. Decide we have enough time to get to Launceston by 10 so call into services for a leisurely coffee.
8.30am. Arrive Launceston and park. Walk to start at leisure centre. Bag is rather heavy. Never mind, Leisure centre can’t be far away.
9.15am. Arrive leisure centre. Perhaps I didn’t need two pairs of shoes and the large tube of hair gel. Collect numbers. Jude offers to let me store flapjack and Thorntons mini shortbreads in my bag as she has only brought a small backpack. Very badly-organised of her, I think.
9.45am. See Frank John from running club, discuss transport, accommodation, swimming, etc. Dazzer not here as he isn’t feeling very well. Will send him good wishes on my way round the course. Various trips to various loos. Bags onto lorry. Can just about lift mine high enough.
10.30am. Race starts. The training is paying off already. For the first mile I cruise steadily past runners as we head through Launceston then the road narrows and goes uphill. There is traffic and a car has to follow a woman walking up the hill. A man is following the car and I can’t get past. Still, I will use it as a recovery and fly past them all later.
Dazzer told me the next six miles are “gently undulating” or “steady climb.” I am an athlete so can cope easily with these obstacles, if indeed they are such. I will take them, literally, in my stride, which I must remember is as effortless as the leaping mountain goats bounding along precipitous slopes. Must also remember to admire the views so at the top of one of the undulations I look ahead to see glorious rolling hills and lush fields. If I was taller I might be able to see the sea.
11.46am Why is it that however far you climb in a race you never seem to have a downhill to compensate? Bloody hills, bloody hedges, bloody fields, bloody, bloody running. Up another hill (another fantastic view), past yet another cheerful encouraging marshal, up another f***ing hill to another wonderful view. Have been told that adrenaline makes you aggressive if not all used up by running. Sure that isn’t true in my case. Starting to think that perhaps I might not break the course record.
12.13pm Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! At last a downhill stretch. I can hear footsteps behind me and getting closer. Mental note to self: this runner needs new shoes as sounds very flat-footed. He passes me. He is carrying a backpack, wearing chinos, a white polo shirt and wearing flip-flops. Flip-flops, FFS! I have been overtaken by a man carrying a backpack and wearing f***ing flip-flops. To crown it all he does not appear to be overpronating at all though have to admit that he gets away too fast for me to do an accurate gait analysis. Hah! I see my chance. He can’t run uphill in flip-flops. Will try to catch him. Pass him easily. Hah! Serves him right.
12.29pm Flip-flop Man passes me again. I will wait like a panther and pounce when the moment is right. We are entering the town. The road starts to climb. I pass Flip-flop Man. He will not pass me again.
12.33pm F***. Flip-flop Man will not pass me again because the bloody road climbs and he will gently slither out of his flipping flops. It climbs through the outskirts of Launceston. It turns a corner. F***.
12.35pm Another bloody climb. F***, f***, f***ity f***. Is Launceston actually higher than Everest? How can the road only ever go up?
12.51pm Joy! At last some downhill.
12.52pm F***, f*** and double f***. More uphill.
1.00pm Onto the little path that climbs (well, what else would you expect) through the park. Go round the bend (literally?) and then Oh joy! Oh bliss! Oh wonder of wonders! I run down (down! down!) the slope towards the finish. More charging rhinoceros than graceful gazelle. Finish has disappeared. Bu**er. Lots of people cheering. I can see and hear Jude and John. Then - glory be! It’s a miracle! The finish is at the bottom of a hill!
1.02.25pm Cross finish line, cheered by Dazzer’s parents. Curse their son for telling me about a course so hilly but have to admit that the views were worth the climbing. Collect medal (excellent), bunch of flowers (v.g), T-shirt (v. big), water (v. welcome), etc. Decline gels and voucher from well-known running store. Meet Jude and John, collect bag. Eat 1 Thorntons mini shortbread (v.g.). Have shown that I am a consistent athlete as my time of 2:32 is the same as four of the last five hilly half marathons I’ve done.
2.30pm Go to say goodbye to Caz and Big Daz. Tell them it’s a fab race and it’s in diary for next year already. They give me a bottle of wine (v.g.). No room in bag so totter off uphill (then down) with bag, flowers and wine. Jude suggests I look like an alcoholic bag lady who’s been stealing flowers.
3.00pm Leave Launceston.
3.15pm Leave Launceston. Congdons Shop was interesting, if only for its apparent lack of shop and, possibly, Congdon. We decided not to go to Liskeard as it was 16 miles way and Launceston was only 13. Jude and I not unduly worried as we have just run 13.1 miles (each) and have low blood sugar (why did I forget the Rego?) so find it all highly amusing though are a bit concerned that the area might be Cornwall’s version of the Bermuda Triangle.
4.00pm Leave Launceston. By a process of elimination find the right road.
7.00pm Home. Eat, drink half bottle of wine, sleep. New training schedule starts tomorrow.
www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthdaycelebration
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
How it started
I started running the day before I was 50 and started writing race reports with humour making up for what I lacked in speed and competion. It's very hard to be competitive when you can't see any other runners but I can usually see the funny side.
Ten years on, I have decided to have a fund-raising year for Marie Curie Cancer Care for my 60th, rather than receiving presents. I chose this charity because a friend of mine, a 27-year-old runner, was diagnosed in November 2008 with malignant melanoma, which has not responded to treatment.
I recently ran the Launceston Half Marathon and my race report was enjoyed by a lot of people, who suggested I should start a blog. I will be posting my race reports and random thoughts (I get a lot of time for thinking when I do a marathon) which seem to become more random as time goes on.
I hope you'll enjoy reading. If so, please also have a look at www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthday celebration.
Happy running!
Jan (aka Midge)
Ten years on, I have decided to have a fund-raising year for Marie Curie Cancer Care for my 60th, rather than receiving presents. I chose this charity because a friend of mine, a 27-year-old runner, was diagnosed in November 2008 with malignant melanoma, which has not responded to treatment.
I recently ran the Launceston Half Marathon and my race report was enjoyed by a lot of people, who suggested I should start a blog. I will be posting my race reports and random thoughts (I get a lot of time for thinking when I do a marathon) which seem to become more random as time goes on.
I hope you'll enjoy reading. If so, please also have a look at www.justgiving.com/jansbigbirthday celebration.
Happy running!
Jan (aka Midge)
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